I'm The Singer, and I guess I'll get this ball rolling.
On Friday June 10th I posted a profile on a dating site. It's been nearly a decade since I've been on a date.
Yes, you read that correctly. NEARLY. A. DECADE. More on that later.
And it appears some things simply do not change! Guys are still posting pictures of themselves wearing shades -- so you can't really see their faces. Or pictures of them on their motorcycles in helmet and shades -- so you can't see their faces. Or as a little blip at the bottom of a mountain they supposedly just hiked -- so you can't see their faces. Or they post pictures of ONLY their motorcycles or muscle cars and they are nowhere to be found -- so you...yeah...you get the drift.
What are they hiding from??? Cocktail Maker Sister says they don't want their bros or coworkers, who may also sign up to these sites, to possibly recognize them. Uh...for realz?! To that I say "grow a pair." Everyone's dating online these days and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I've put up several pictures of myself (including one without makeup, in the spirit of full disclosure), I think the guys can at least leave the shades at home.
Unless the embarrassment is not really about being discovered by your bros or coworkers on a dating site in general...but being discovered on a dating site for BBW's ("Big, beautiful women", for those who still choose to use derogatory terms for us - in which case, what are you doing here? Demon be gone!). If this theory indeed is true, then I must ask myself...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
The last time I put myself up on a dating site I had lost 120 pounds and was wearing around a 14. To me, this is NOT fat or even plus size, compared to what I had been before (and am currently). However, I had just moved to one of the largest entertainment Meccas of the world, where anything over a size 8 is considered plus size...and the gentlemen in this town know it. I was treated brutally. Some guys would actually go out of their way to send me messages with only the intent of telling me that I had some nerve thinking I'd find the guy I wanted when I was so fat AND a smoker (which I was at the time, which is REALLY unpopular here). One person said, "You'd do better hanging around a truck stop."
No, I'm not kidding. And people wonder why I immersed myself in the gay community and haven't come out for ten years! My boyz don't ever treat me like that. To them I am beautiful all the time, at any weight, with or without my makeup on or hair brushed. Ok, ok, I have a few special boyz who aren't afraid to take one look at me and go, "Girl...that is NOT the one." We all need at least ONE friend like that. Many of mine happen to be gay men.
So a decade later and I'm quite understandably terrified to wade into this pool. I've also spent the majority of the last decade wrestling my past while doggedly pursuing inner peace and joy (I'm thinking this must be all the "Gemini in my chart" that Cocktail Maker Sister talks about - I'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappyshutupfortheloveofGod)...and the infamously unstable career in music. So I haven't felt like I should exactly be inviting anyone to dive into my kettle of Hot Mess Soup.
But...things in my life have to change. I cannot spend the next half of my life as miserable as I spent most of the first half. And if getting out into the dating world (*shudder*) is the only way to shake things up, then so be it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for adventures, ready to force myself to do things that terrify me, ready to travel and see new places and learn new things and discover everything I can about what people think and feel and why they think and feel it. I'm almost feeling nomadic...like I want to pack up what little I have, stuff it in the car and just DRIVE...wherever I end up I end up. Wash dishes or wait tables at some little diner for awhile, move on when I get bored or have learned what I need to learn. Just be a gypsy and turn into a wise old sage with a silver braid down her back. Sounds so dreamy...
*Cue record scratch here* Okay, that's not realistic, of course. I have responsibilities. And bills. But I guess I could always change my name...again...
*Record scratch number two*...wow did I digress...back to...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
I am a little concerned that if there are men listing themselves on a BBW dating site who are embarrassed about having a thing for juicy girls, then that could lead to more brutal treatment. Or, as I've noticed in my browsing, about half the men list that they are looking for a girl who's "curvy/a few extra pounds"...but skipped checking off the "zaftig", "heavy", "plus size" or "super size" options. Gentlemen, you can find a "curvy" woman (read: Pam Anderson types) on Eharmony and Match. Leave the BBW sites for guys who really like their ladies big and soft, let us have a safe place to test the waters. If I can't feel confident on a dating site that's supposedly designed specifically for big, beautiful women, where can I ever?
That said...as I mentioned previously I'm in a place in my life where I'm forcing myself to face my fears. So I suppose nothing will propel me forward in my life if I continue to hide away and do the easy thing, regardless of what...ummm...interesting characters...may populate the process. At least not if I want someone to take me to see "Super 8" before it leaves theaters, anyway. And there's always the chance - which I'm actually counting on and putting my intention toward - meeting some really nice guys who just want to meet a really nice girl with plenty o' junk in her trunk.
(Note: I don't want people thinking that I'm miserable being without a man. This is not at all the case. I LOVE being alone, answering to no one but me, having my private space, doing what I please when I please and always having my toilet seat down. I have a lot of love in my life from family and friends. I am alone, but never lonely. Please know and appreciate that there is a major difference. I am enough, I complete me. End of list.)
So off I go...hoping for kinder, gentler results this time around. Hoping to hang out with some interesting men who might teach me something new or convince me to try something I never considered before. Like cooking, perhaps (get your minds out of the gutter...one step at a time, freakazoids). Putting out there my desire to live fully, laugh a lot and learn every step of the way. That's the aim. And whatever will be, will be.
ONE...TWO...THREE...........JUMP!!!!
~The Singer
Yes, you read that correctly. NEARLY. A. DECADE. More on that later.
And it appears some things simply do not change! Guys are still posting pictures of themselves wearing shades -- so you can't really see their faces. Or pictures of them on their motorcycles in helmet and shades -- so you can't see their faces. Or as a little blip at the bottom of a mountain they supposedly just hiked -- so you can't see their faces. Or they post pictures of ONLY their motorcycles or muscle cars and they are nowhere to be found -- so you...yeah...you get the drift.
What are they hiding from??? Cocktail Maker Sister says they don't want their bros or coworkers, who may also sign up to these sites, to possibly recognize them. Uh...for realz?! To that I say "grow a pair." Everyone's dating online these days and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I've put up several pictures of myself (including one without makeup, in the spirit of full disclosure), I think the guys can at least leave the shades at home.
Unless the embarrassment is not really about being discovered by your bros or coworkers on a dating site in general...but being discovered on a dating site for BBW's ("Big, beautiful women", for those who still choose to use derogatory terms for us - in which case, what are you doing here? Demon be gone!). If this theory indeed is true, then I must ask myself...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
The last time I put myself up on a dating site I had lost 120 pounds and was wearing around a 14. To me, this is NOT fat or even plus size, compared to what I had been before (and am currently). However, I had just moved to one of the largest entertainment Meccas of the world, where anything over a size 8 is considered plus size...and the gentlemen in this town know it. I was treated brutally. Some guys would actually go out of their way to send me messages with only the intent of telling me that I had some nerve thinking I'd find the guy I wanted when I was so fat AND a smoker (which I was at the time, which is REALLY unpopular here). One person said, "You'd do better hanging around a truck stop."
No, I'm not kidding. And people wonder why I immersed myself in the gay community and haven't come out for ten years! My boyz don't ever treat me like that. To them I am beautiful all the time, at any weight, with or without my makeup on or hair brushed. Ok, ok, I have a few special boyz who aren't afraid to take one look at me and go, "Girl...that is NOT the one." We all need at least ONE friend like that. Many of mine happen to be gay men.
So a decade later and I'm quite understandably terrified to wade into this pool. I've also spent the majority of the last decade wrestling my past while doggedly pursuing inner peace and joy (I'm thinking this must be all the "Gemini in my chart" that Cocktail Maker Sister talks about - I'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappyshutupfortheloveofGod)...and the infamously unstable career in music. So I haven't felt like I should exactly be inviting anyone to dive into my kettle of Hot Mess Soup.
But...things in my life have to change. I cannot spend the next half of my life as miserable as I spent most of the first half. And if getting out into the dating world (*shudder*) is the only way to shake things up, then so be it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for adventures, ready to force myself to do things that terrify me, ready to travel and see new places and learn new things and discover everything I can about what people think and feel and why they think and feel it. I'm almost feeling nomadic...like I want to pack up what little I have, stuff it in the car and just DRIVE...wherever I end up I end up. Wash dishes or wait tables at some little diner for awhile, move on when I get bored or have learned what I need to learn. Just be a gypsy and turn into a wise old sage with a silver braid down her back. Sounds so dreamy...
*Cue record scratch here* Okay, that's not realistic, of course. I have responsibilities. And bills. But I guess I could always change my name...again...
*Record scratch number two*...wow did I digress...back to...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
I am a little concerned that if there are men listing themselves on a BBW dating site who are embarrassed about having a thing for juicy girls, then that could lead to more brutal treatment. Or, as I've noticed in my browsing, about half the men list that they are looking for a girl who's "curvy/a few extra pounds"...but skipped checking off the "zaftig", "heavy", "plus size" or "super size" options. Gentlemen, you can find a "curvy" woman (read: Pam Anderson types) on Eharmony and Match. Leave the BBW sites for guys who really like their ladies big and soft, let us have a safe place to test the waters. If I can't feel confident on a dating site that's supposedly designed specifically for big, beautiful women, where can I ever?
That said...as I mentioned previously I'm in a place in my life where I'm forcing myself to face my fears. So I suppose nothing will propel me forward in my life if I continue to hide away and do the easy thing, regardless of what...ummm...interesting characters...may populate the process. At least not if I want someone to take me to see "Super 8" before it leaves theaters, anyway. And there's always the chance - which I'm actually counting on and putting my intention toward - meeting some really nice guys who just want to meet a really nice girl with plenty o' junk in her trunk.
(Note: I don't want people thinking that I'm miserable being without a man. This is not at all the case. I LOVE being alone, answering to no one but me, having my private space, doing what I please when I please and always having my toilet seat down. I have a lot of love in my life from family and friends. I am alone, but never lonely. Please know and appreciate that there is a major difference. I am enough, I complete me. End of list.)
So off I go...hoping for kinder, gentler results this time around. Hoping to hang out with some interesting men who might teach me something new or convince me to try something I never considered before. Like cooking, perhaps (get your minds out of the gutter...one step at a time, freakazoids). Putting out there my desire to live fully, laugh a lot and learn every step of the way. That's the aim. And whatever will be, will be.
ONE...TWO...THREE...........JUMP!!!!
~The Singer
I will be following with interest (mostly as the lemming on the cliff waiting to see what happens to those who have taken the plunge).
ReplyDeleteI love you Singer Sister. SO EXCITED for you to do this... This shit gon' be REAL. :)
ReplyDeleteBaker Sister
Uh YOU are doing this, too! Write something! :-) ♥
ReplyDelete