Weeeeeelllllll...this hasn't gone entirely as planned, I must admit. First of all...my sisters aren't even TRYING (and hello, this was The Cocktail Maker's idea!) and I have yet to be smiled or winked at by anyone who isn't my dad's age, doesn't live in the Middle East or looks like he hasn't bathed in a decade. The guys I wink and smile at don't wink or smile back. And then you got the super hot guys who REFUSE to verify their accounts or fill out their profiles and therefore make you suspect that they are even real. And don't even get me started on how much this all costs. Some of these sites' membership fees are RIDONKULOUS. I don't want a date so badly that I'm willing to spend the amount of my monthly credit card bill to be on your site.
Ok...whining done. Had to vent. Since our little blog is anonymous, I can't exactly plaster my observances all over my personal Facebook and Twitter accounts as I'm wont to do with everything else that goes on in my life. So you, fair readers, are gonna get some hair-pulling from me on occasion.
This doesn't mean that I'm giving up already...but it does mean I'm kind of surprised that things haven't progressed a little quicker. Seriously..."Super 8" isn't gonna be in the theaters much longer! I don't think I'm being too picky...I'm really trying to keep myself more open than I've ever been before upon attempting such things...but I gotta say that someone with a drag of a profile doesn't spark my interest no matter how cute he is. Once upon a time I could brush it off as, "Well, some people just aren't great with writing..." but we're in a new era, where emailing and texting and Facebooking have taken over the world...you HAVE to express yourself in typeset nowadays in life and in work. So it only stands to reason that you'd better be able to do it on a dating site...right? Maybe? No? See, I'm REALLY trying to be fair, here...I've always been the girl that falls for her best friends...straight up dating is so beyond my realm of understanding and I realize I have to drop my guard a little here and there to succeed in it...
In the last five minutes, I agreed to chat with someone. Here is the entire conversation:
HIM: How are you today?
ME: Hot LOL, you?
HIM: Are you sweating for all the wrong reasons? :-)
ME: (sensing weirdness) Well, it IS 92 degrees out and my little place doesn't have a/c, summer's fun! :-)
HIM: Here is a good way to gauge that...if you had a BF/Lover/Playmate...is it too hot in your place to have sex right now or is there no such thing as too hot for sex?
(And BOOM, there it is!)
ME: OMG see ya
And then I blocked his rude skanky ass.
Now...I'm not a prude. In fact, I am very much looking forward to some surrious sexin', people. SURRIOUS. I'm even cleaning my bedroom! But I'm not down with guys I've never met or even spoken with over the phone who pounce on me from minute one. Some would say, "Well, you provoked him when you said you were hot." Uh yeah...noooooooo, that should NOT be a provocation when the entire southern half of the state is in the middle of a heat wave -- I can't break the ice talking about the weather??? (Lesson learned regardless! NEVER mention hotness!). Even just a little bit of conversation first wouldn't have put me off so badly...what do you do for a living, what do you like to do for fun, etc. I do realize that guys are guys and ALWAYS thinking about sex. I don't actually begrudge them this, it's just nature's way of keeping the species going. However, I do prefer some manners upon a first conversation, when there's NOTHING in my profile that indicates I'm only looking to find someone with which to bump uglies. If I'm going to have that kind of relationship with someone, I still need to feel safe. And somehow getting right to the point in a chat box, while admirable with other subjects, just doesn't make me feel safe. Even if he first contacted me on the site via email and said, "Hi, I'm looking for a playmate, no strings attached, are you interested?" would have been alright. Manners. But he emailed and asked me to chat under the ruse of getting to know me and then stuck his virtual penis in my virtual face within four sentences. *sigh* Just club me over the head and drag me off to your cave, why dontcha?
What do YOU think? Was I too hard on him? Too rude? Do I have ANY clue what I'm doing? (don't answer that, I already know) Would YOU have continued the conversation? Politely said, "I don't think we're on the same page here, I'm gonna go"...? Or would you have just said, "There's no such thing as 'too hot for sex', come on over"...? OR, would you have tried to steer the conversation toward a less intense subject matter for a bit?
That's what I get for wishing things would progress a little faster, I guess! Watch what you wish for, campers -- for realz!
Monday, July 4, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
An Intro To The Baker Sister
Hi everyone. :) I’m the Baker Sister. I have long luxurious eyelashes and all I ever wanted was to be in love.
I guess I’ll start from the beginning… (Since it’s an introduction to who I am & where I am starting all of this, it might be a bit lengthy. Go grab some popcorn!) :)
The Sisters and I were raised in a conservative Christian home and for a majority of my life I’ve been a ‘good little Christian girl.’ I always wanted to date a Christian guy who would love & adore me and ‘wait til marriage’ with me and for me and we’d live happily Godly lives forever & ever amen.
Sadly, the only Christian guys I knew of in my home town were prone to emotional outbursts, grew mustaches and had dandruff. So instead, I fell in love with cute boys in a much cooler youth group 2 & ½ hours away. And thus my penchant for long distance pining, baking and letter writing began. I had serious crushes but no one ever really wanted me back. So I made a lot of sad mix tapes and I ate my feelings. (The 3 Sisters are REAL good at this, by the way).
Long distance is safe and I tend to comfortably marinate in the idea of ‘let me pour my soul out in letters because if I talked to you in person my face would turn bright red.’ At TWENTY-TWO I was talking with a guy I liked and had a bright red face. A wise ass I worked with laughed and said, “Have you been tanning?” HORRIFYING. In fact, my only real ex and I started off long distance writing letters. *sigh, BARF, sigh*
I went to a Christian college where the guy-girl ratio was 1:8. ONE TO EIGHT!!! So my dreams of an ‘MRS degree’ and Christian babies that save the world were smashed to smithereens. I withdrew even more. I dreamed and prayed of ‘the one’ desperately just hoping he’d find me-- see me from across the quad and just ‘know.’ I baked soooo many cookies for guys I liked in college until they ran away. That’s right, gentlemen. I’m a giver. *wink* Call me…
When I moved to L.A. at 23 to pursue acting and comedy, (Wait, I thought I’d be married by now??? Ahhhh!!!!), my life experiences and spirituality changed dramatically. For one, I realized all of the ‘performing’ and weird shit I did for my family growing up was actually funny to people in my classes at The Groundlings. (I attempted to be funny twice in high school and both times I heard, “Umm… Okay.”) I finally found ‘my people.’ And this acknowledgement that I’m crazy in a GOOD way, gave me the confidence I needed to at least be friends with boys. IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
At the same time, my naïve 23 year old self racked up a Dr. Phil-show-worthy amount of credit card debt living in L.A. taking classes, getting headshots, etc. At 27-ish I had hit rock bottom. I began working 60 hours a week between two jobs just to make ends meet. I was burned out, I hated life, hated people and was a million miles away from (and way too tired to be) the happy go lucky, loving, funny girl that had some fire to her. I was dead inside, thought my life was hopeless and I was eating a LOT of pizzas. (The ‘s’ is not a type-o).
So how did a walking zombie end up having sex with a boy!!!??? Christian folk, you’re never gonna believe this… But my answer is: divine intervention. Over the span of those 8 years in L.A. a spiritual transformation began that involved a lot of serious self and soul reflection, despair, death, courage, awakening , faith and rebirth. I won’t go into overly dramatic details (you’re welcome!) but I had grown into my own person and finally had a faith that was real, challenging, freeing and didn’t make me want to shoot myself in the face on a daily basis.
When I had hit rock bottom, I began taking these relationship classes that were taught from a more Buddhist perspective. For the first time I learned that my thoughts and feelings are connected and that I had power to change my life. I learned that life didn’t have to be drudgery. Life was actually pretty good! And I finally understood anything was possible. My heart swoons at the thought of having my doors blown off with this approach to life and my inner comedian/Chandler Bing rolls her eyes nauseated & says, “BARF! Could you BE any more self-help!?”
Also at rock bottom I signed up for a marathon. Long story short this is how I miraculously met my ex. He was dropped into my lap. He had donated to the cause I was running for, I sent him a thank you, he wrote me back and we became pen pals. He was a little off and overly cerebral, brilliant in fact, but I appreciated the attention. He came to visit. He was 8,000,000 % needy and madly crazy in love with me.
I’m a pretty good people reader, scarily so sometimes—and this guy terrified the hell out of me. Red flags everywhere. He was an emotional basketcase. My teacher, knowing this guy completely freaked me out, pretty much told me, “So here’s this guy who absolutely loves & adores you & wants to fly across the country to see you & treat you like a princess? What’s the problem?”
“Umm… Well, he’s REALLY emotionally needy and--.”
She says, also knowing I’ve lived the past 28 years behind a wall and have experienced nothing, “Okay… Hear me on this. You don’t have to marry the guy… but you have to date him. Practice seeing him for who he is rather than for who he’s not.”
F*********************************CK. (Very Bridget Jones). Knowing at this point in my life I had nothing to lose, I dated him long distance. And even I can’t believe it… I fell in love with this crazy weirdo. I became so ridiculously attracted to someone that almost repulsed me with his metrosexuality. (Yeah, we ain't sugarcoatin' shit).
Cut to the next three years of my life—loving a suicidal, emotionally fucked up basketcase. There’s a good guy underneath the drama but it was A LOT. About six months in, I should have broken up with him. Instead, I stayed my desperate-for-love self and tried to fix him. When a needy person loves you, it’s the BEST! You’re their answer, the affection and emotional connection is incredible. You’re the only one who can talk them off of their ledges (sometimes literally). It’s emotionally intense and the sex was incredible. *weeps*
This whole relationship was also ENTIRELY UNHEALTHY!!!!! The drama almost becomes an addiction. The co-dependancy smothering.
I moved to Chicago in January of 2010. We lived together. Things fells apart, we broke up and I moved out in June. My version: We continued to sleep together, thinking we’d get back together cause on various days he would cry & tell me he loved me, missed me and made a huge mistake. But really, he was just emotionally needy & screwed up and kept me around to f*ck until he found someone else. Which he did!
His version: But we broke up in June. This is the girl I told my mom when I was seven I was going to marry. I’m doing really well, why can’t you just be happy for me? I thought we’d always be friends?
My version two months later: The same with the added bonus of ‘You don’t even know what the f*ck you want and by the way, I can tell in your voice something is up. Our sex was WAAAAY better. I can read you like a book. Oh wow... Are you trying to sleep with me?’
His version two months later: I just want to know how you are. I’m sorry I hurt you. You don't deserve that. I’m sorry it went down the way it did and I didn’t communicate. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think about you often. I miss our friendship. And other things. You don't know how sorry I am. By the way, we’re engaged and getting married.
My version six months later: The same, the same, the same and ‘Holy shit, you are making the world’s biggest mistake!!! I know you’re not over me and you’re marrying somebody else!??? This is wrong on 126 different levels!!???’
His version six months later: I miss you. I just went house hunting and this is really hard. I always thought this would be us. We had something magical. I can't stop crying. There's a lot of me that wonders if God's angry with me...
OOF. Blah, blah, blah… Needless to say, I have been incredibly humbled in this break-up process. As much as I’ve desired love I NEVER thought I’d be the girl who decidedly stayed tormented for a year of her life, hanging on in desperation and lust to a guy that is GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. I’m not proud of my emotions or actions but I guess that’s what most people learn from a first love. I just happen to be learning it AT 32—very embarrassing and again, humbling. I always thought I’d be the one singing, ‘I’m still a rockstar! I’ve got my rock moves & I don’t neeeeed you!!!” But nope. Knock my ego off this pedestal, Perfect One. I'm as deranged, needy and as morally decrepit as a crackwhore.
First loves are LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh*
Not really. I couldn’t be more thankful for the lessons. BRUTAL, HORRIFYING lessons. And also, in complete fairness, a majority of our relationship (when he wasn’t trying to kill himself- HA!), we had a really beautiful time and he was an amazing boyfriend. Meeting him, losing my virginity, being vulnerable, taking the walls down, breaking up, made me more courageous and fearless. You learn who you really can be and it's your choice whether or not you make those changes or stay in patterns. I choose to never be that person again.
SO!!! Long-winded story short, this leads me to where I’m at right now. I don’t really waaaaant to date because I work a TON and any free time I have I want to devote to finishing my business plan. Last time I went on Match.com I thought it would take a few months before I’d find someone I’d want to date but the process was pretty immediate, “Let’s meet for coffee tomorrow.” Ummm… WHAT!!!??? And suddenly I lost all of my free time going on dates. Okay, I went on two. But still!!!
My time is valuable to me these days, Homes! I’ve also got some self-esteem issues I’m working on-- scars from being burned of course but also years of never feeling good enough. When no one wants you back, you feel it. And I need to not feel that way to attract a good guy, make sense? If I’m looking for healthy, I need to BE healthy. So I’m going to continue to focus on the things I love to do, getting my life in order and as corny as it sounds, falling in love with myself-- my whole and complete self. I will NOT be the girl that is alone the next 27 years of her life. And if for any reason at all, I will date again because I can’t be the girl that NEVER ENDS UP HAVING SEX AGAIN!!!! HA!!! (I’ve got a SHIT TON of lost time to make up for…) And no, sadly, I’m not f*ckbuddy material. I need an emotional connection. GOD, WHY DO I NEED AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION!!! *sigh*
So I'm giving myself one month to get my shit together and make magic happen organically. And if not... *grumble*, I will sign up for Match.com. I promise.
And that, ladies and germs, is the Baker Sister’s story. :)
I think it's funny my initials are B.S.
Much love,
The Baker Sister
I guess I’ll start from the beginning… (Since it’s an introduction to who I am & where I am starting all of this, it might be a bit lengthy. Go grab some popcorn!) :)
The Sisters and I were raised in a conservative Christian home and for a majority of my life I’ve been a ‘good little Christian girl.’ I always wanted to date a Christian guy who would love & adore me and ‘wait til marriage’ with me and for me and we’d live happily Godly lives forever & ever amen.
Sadly, the only Christian guys I knew of in my home town were prone to emotional outbursts, grew mustaches and had dandruff. So instead, I fell in love with cute boys in a much cooler youth group 2 & ½ hours away. And thus my penchant for long distance pining, baking and letter writing began. I had serious crushes but no one ever really wanted me back. So I made a lot of sad mix tapes and I ate my feelings. (The 3 Sisters are REAL good at this, by the way).
Long distance is safe and I tend to comfortably marinate in the idea of ‘let me pour my soul out in letters because if I talked to you in person my face would turn bright red.’ At TWENTY-TWO I was talking with a guy I liked and had a bright red face. A wise ass I worked with laughed and said, “Have you been tanning?” HORRIFYING. In fact, my only real ex and I started off long distance writing letters. *sigh, BARF, sigh*
I went to a Christian college where the guy-girl ratio was 1:8. ONE TO EIGHT!!! So my dreams of an ‘MRS degree’ and Christian babies that save the world were smashed to smithereens. I withdrew even more. I dreamed and prayed of ‘the one’ desperately just hoping he’d find me-- see me from across the quad and just ‘know.’ I baked soooo many cookies for guys I liked in college until they ran away. That’s right, gentlemen. I’m a giver. *wink* Call me…
When I moved to L.A. at 23 to pursue acting and comedy, (Wait, I thought I’d be married by now??? Ahhhh!!!!), my life experiences and spirituality changed dramatically. For one, I realized all of the ‘performing’ and weird shit I did for my family growing up was actually funny to people in my classes at The Groundlings. (I attempted to be funny twice in high school and both times I heard, “Umm… Okay.”) I finally found ‘my people.’ And this acknowledgement that I’m crazy in a GOOD way, gave me the confidence I needed to at least be friends with boys. IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!
At the same time, my naïve 23 year old self racked up a Dr. Phil-show-worthy amount of credit card debt living in L.A. taking classes, getting headshots, etc. At 27-ish I had hit rock bottom. I began working 60 hours a week between two jobs just to make ends meet. I was burned out, I hated life, hated people and was a million miles away from (and way too tired to be) the happy go lucky, loving, funny girl that had some fire to her. I was dead inside, thought my life was hopeless and I was eating a LOT of pizzas. (The ‘s’ is not a type-o).
So how did a walking zombie end up having sex with a boy!!!??? Christian folk, you’re never gonna believe this… But my answer is: divine intervention. Over the span of those 8 years in L.A. a spiritual transformation began that involved a lot of serious self and soul reflection, despair, death, courage, awakening , faith and rebirth. I won’t go into overly dramatic details (you’re welcome!) but I had grown into my own person and finally had a faith that was real, challenging, freeing and didn’t make me want to shoot myself in the face on a daily basis.
When I had hit rock bottom, I began taking these relationship classes that were taught from a more Buddhist perspective. For the first time I learned that my thoughts and feelings are connected and that I had power to change my life. I learned that life didn’t have to be drudgery. Life was actually pretty good! And I finally understood anything was possible. My heart swoons at the thought of having my doors blown off with this approach to life and my inner comedian/Chandler Bing rolls her eyes nauseated & says, “BARF! Could you BE any more self-help!?”
Also at rock bottom I signed up for a marathon. Long story short this is how I miraculously met my ex. He was dropped into my lap. He had donated to the cause I was running for, I sent him a thank you, he wrote me back and we became pen pals. He was a little off and overly cerebral, brilliant in fact, but I appreciated the attention. He came to visit. He was 8,000,000 % needy and madly crazy in love with me.
I’m a pretty good people reader, scarily so sometimes—and this guy terrified the hell out of me. Red flags everywhere. He was an emotional basketcase. My teacher, knowing this guy completely freaked me out, pretty much told me, “So here’s this guy who absolutely loves & adores you & wants to fly across the country to see you & treat you like a princess? What’s the problem?”
“Umm… Well, he’s REALLY emotionally needy and--.”
She says, also knowing I’ve lived the past 28 years behind a wall and have experienced nothing, “Okay… Hear me on this. You don’t have to marry the guy… but you have to date him. Practice seeing him for who he is rather than for who he’s not.”
F*********************************CK. (Very Bridget Jones). Knowing at this point in my life I had nothing to lose, I dated him long distance. And even I can’t believe it… I fell in love with this crazy weirdo. I became so ridiculously attracted to someone that almost repulsed me with his metrosexuality. (Yeah, we ain't sugarcoatin' shit).
Cut to the next three years of my life—loving a suicidal, emotionally fucked up basketcase. There’s a good guy underneath the drama but it was A LOT. About six months in, I should have broken up with him. Instead, I stayed my desperate-for-love self and tried to fix him. When a needy person loves you, it’s the BEST! You’re their answer, the affection and emotional connection is incredible. You’re the only one who can talk them off of their ledges (sometimes literally). It’s emotionally intense and the sex was incredible. *weeps*
This whole relationship was also ENTIRELY UNHEALTHY!!!!! The drama almost becomes an addiction. The co-dependancy smothering.
I moved to Chicago in January of 2010. We lived together. Things fells apart, we broke up and I moved out in June. My version: We continued to sleep together, thinking we’d get back together cause on various days he would cry & tell me he loved me, missed me and made a huge mistake. But really, he was just emotionally needy & screwed up and kept me around to f*ck until he found someone else. Which he did!
His version: But we broke up in June. This is the girl I told my mom when I was seven I was going to marry. I’m doing really well, why can’t you just be happy for me? I thought we’d always be friends?
My version two months later: The same with the added bonus of ‘You don’t even know what the f*ck you want and by the way, I can tell in your voice something is up. Our sex was WAAAAY better. I can read you like a book. Oh wow... Are you trying to sleep with me?’
His version two months later: I just want to know how you are. I’m sorry I hurt you. You don't deserve that. I’m sorry it went down the way it did and I didn’t communicate. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think about you often. I miss our friendship. And other things. You don't know how sorry I am. By the way, we’re engaged and getting married.
My version six months later: The same, the same, the same and ‘Holy shit, you are making the world’s biggest mistake!!! I know you’re not over me and you’re marrying somebody else!??? This is wrong on 126 different levels!!???’
His version six months later: I miss you. I just went house hunting and this is really hard. I always thought this would be us. We had something magical. I can't stop crying. There's a lot of me that wonders if God's angry with me...
OOF. Blah, blah, blah… Needless to say, I have been incredibly humbled in this break-up process. As much as I’ve desired love I NEVER thought I’d be the girl who decidedly stayed tormented for a year of her life, hanging on in desperation and lust to a guy that is GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. I’m not proud of my emotions or actions but I guess that’s what most people learn from a first love. I just happen to be learning it AT 32—very embarrassing and again, humbling. I always thought I’d be the one singing, ‘I’m still a rockstar! I’ve got my rock moves & I don’t neeeeed you!!!” But nope. Knock my ego off this pedestal, Perfect One. I'm as deranged, needy and as morally decrepit as a crackwhore.
First loves are LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sigh*
Not really. I couldn’t be more thankful for the lessons. BRUTAL, HORRIFYING lessons. And also, in complete fairness, a majority of our relationship (when he wasn’t trying to kill himself- HA!), we had a really beautiful time and he was an amazing boyfriend. Meeting him, losing my virginity, being vulnerable, taking the walls down, breaking up, made me more courageous and fearless. You learn who you really can be and it's your choice whether or not you make those changes or stay in patterns. I choose to never be that person again.
SO!!! Long-winded story short, this leads me to where I’m at right now. I don’t really waaaaant to date because I work a TON and any free time I have I want to devote to finishing my business plan. Last time I went on Match.com I thought it would take a few months before I’d find someone I’d want to date but the process was pretty immediate, “Let’s meet for coffee tomorrow.” Ummm… WHAT!!!??? And suddenly I lost all of my free time going on dates. Okay, I went on two. But still!!!
My time is valuable to me these days, Homes! I’ve also got some self-esteem issues I’m working on-- scars from being burned of course but also years of never feeling good enough. When no one wants you back, you feel it. And I need to not feel that way to attract a good guy, make sense? If I’m looking for healthy, I need to BE healthy. So I’m going to continue to focus on the things I love to do, getting my life in order and as corny as it sounds, falling in love with myself-- my whole and complete self. I will NOT be the girl that is alone the next 27 years of her life. And if for any reason at all, I will date again because I can’t be the girl that NEVER ENDS UP HAVING SEX AGAIN!!!! HA!!! (I’ve got a SHIT TON of lost time to make up for…) And no, sadly, I’m not f*ckbuddy material. I need an emotional connection. GOD, WHY DO I NEED AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION!!! *sigh*
So I'm giving myself one month to get my shit together and make magic happen organically. And if not... *grumble*, I will sign up for Match.com. I promise.
And that, ladies and germs, is the Baker Sister’s story. :)
I think it's funny my initials are B.S.
Much love,
The Baker Sister
Sunday, June 19, 2011
And so it begins...
I'm The Singer, and I guess I'll get this ball rolling.
On Friday June 10th I posted a profile on a dating site. It's been nearly a decade since I've been on a date.
Yes, you read that correctly. NEARLY. A. DECADE. More on that later.
And it appears some things simply do not change! Guys are still posting pictures of themselves wearing shades -- so you can't really see their faces. Or pictures of them on their motorcycles in helmet and shades -- so you can't see their faces. Or as a little blip at the bottom of a mountain they supposedly just hiked -- so you can't see their faces. Or they post pictures of ONLY their motorcycles or muscle cars and they are nowhere to be found -- so you...yeah...you get the drift.
What are they hiding from??? Cocktail Maker Sister says they don't want their bros or coworkers, who may also sign up to these sites, to possibly recognize them. Uh...for realz?! To that I say "grow a pair." Everyone's dating online these days and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I've put up several pictures of myself (including one without makeup, in the spirit of full disclosure), I think the guys can at least leave the shades at home.
Unless the embarrassment is not really about being discovered by your bros or coworkers on a dating site in general...but being discovered on a dating site for BBW's ("Big, beautiful women", for those who still choose to use derogatory terms for us - in which case, what are you doing here? Demon be gone!). If this theory indeed is true, then I must ask myself...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
The last time I put myself up on a dating site I had lost 120 pounds and was wearing around a 14. To me, this is NOT fat or even plus size, compared to what I had been before (and am currently). However, I had just moved to one of the largest entertainment Meccas of the world, where anything over a size 8 is considered plus size...and the gentlemen in this town know it. I was treated brutally. Some guys would actually go out of their way to send me messages with only the intent of telling me that I had some nerve thinking I'd find the guy I wanted when I was so fat AND a smoker (which I was at the time, which is REALLY unpopular here). One person said, "You'd do better hanging around a truck stop."
No, I'm not kidding. And people wonder why I immersed myself in the gay community and haven't come out for ten years! My boyz don't ever treat me like that. To them I am beautiful all the time, at any weight, with or without my makeup on or hair brushed. Ok, ok, I have a few special boyz who aren't afraid to take one look at me and go, "Girl...that is NOT the one." We all need at least ONE friend like that. Many of mine happen to be gay men.
So a decade later and I'm quite understandably terrified to wade into this pool. I've also spent the majority of the last decade wrestling my past while doggedly pursuing inner peace and joy (I'm thinking this must be all the "Gemini in my chart" that Cocktail Maker Sister talks about - I'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappyshutupfortheloveofGod)...and the infamously unstable career in music. So I haven't felt like I should exactly be inviting anyone to dive into my kettle of Hot Mess Soup.
But...things in my life have to change. I cannot spend the next half of my life as miserable as I spent most of the first half. And if getting out into the dating world (*shudder*) is the only way to shake things up, then so be it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for adventures, ready to force myself to do things that terrify me, ready to travel and see new places and learn new things and discover everything I can about what people think and feel and why they think and feel it. I'm almost feeling nomadic...like I want to pack up what little I have, stuff it in the car and just DRIVE...wherever I end up I end up. Wash dishes or wait tables at some little diner for awhile, move on when I get bored or have learned what I need to learn. Just be a gypsy and turn into a wise old sage with a silver braid down her back. Sounds so dreamy...
*Cue record scratch here* Okay, that's not realistic, of course. I have responsibilities. And bills. But I guess I could always change my name...again...
*Record scratch number two*...wow did I digress...back to...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
I am a little concerned that if there are men listing themselves on a BBW dating site who are embarrassed about having a thing for juicy girls, then that could lead to more brutal treatment. Or, as I've noticed in my browsing, about half the men list that they are looking for a girl who's "curvy/a few extra pounds"...but skipped checking off the "zaftig", "heavy", "plus size" or "super size" options. Gentlemen, you can find a "curvy" woman (read: Pam Anderson types) on Eharmony and Match. Leave the BBW sites for guys who really like their ladies big and soft, let us have a safe place to test the waters. If I can't feel confident on a dating site that's supposedly designed specifically for big, beautiful women, where can I ever?
That said...as I mentioned previously I'm in a place in my life where I'm forcing myself to face my fears. So I suppose nothing will propel me forward in my life if I continue to hide away and do the easy thing, regardless of what...ummm...interesting characters...may populate the process. At least not if I want someone to take me to see "Super 8" before it leaves theaters, anyway. And there's always the chance - which I'm actually counting on and putting my intention toward - meeting some really nice guys who just want to meet a really nice girl with plenty o' junk in her trunk.
(Note: I don't want people thinking that I'm miserable being without a man. This is not at all the case. I LOVE being alone, answering to no one but me, having my private space, doing what I please when I please and always having my toilet seat down. I have a lot of love in my life from family and friends. I am alone, but never lonely. Please know and appreciate that there is a major difference. I am enough, I complete me. End of list.)
So off I go...hoping for kinder, gentler results this time around. Hoping to hang out with some interesting men who might teach me something new or convince me to try something I never considered before. Like cooking, perhaps (get your minds out of the gutter...one step at a time, freakazoids). Putting out there my desire to live fully, laugh a lot and learn every step of the way. That's the aim. And whatever will be, will be.
ONE...TWO...THREE...........JUMP!!!!
~The Singer
Yes, you read that correctly. NEARLY. A. DECADE. More on that later.
And it appears some things simply do not change! Guys are still posting pictures of themselves wearing shades -- so you can't really see their faces. Or pictures of them on their motorcycles in helmet and shades -- so you can't see their faces. Or as a little blip at the bottom of a mountain they supposedly just hiked -- so you can't see their faces. Or they post pictures of ONLY their motorcycles or muscle cars and they are nowhere to be found -- so you...yeah...you get the drift.
What are they hiding from??? Cocktail Maker Sister says they don't want their bros or coworkers, who may also sign up to these sites, to possibly recognize them. Uh...for realz?! To that I say "grow a pair." Everyone's dating online these days and there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I've put up several pictures of myself (including one without makeup, in the spirit of full disclosure), I think the guys can at least leave the shades at home.
Unless the embarrassment is not really about being discovered by your bros or coworkers on a dating site in general...but being discovered on a dating site for BBW's ("Big, beautiful women", for those who still choose to use derogatory terms for us - in which case, what are you doing here? Demon be gone!). If this theory indeed is true, then I must ask myself...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
The last time I put myself up on a dating site I had lost 120 pounds and was wearing around a 14. To me, this is NOT fat or even plus size, compared to what I had been before (and am currently). However, I had just moved to one of the largest entertainment Meccas of the world, where anything over a size 8 is considered plus size...and the gentlemen in this town know it. I was treated brutally. Some guys would actually go out of their way to send me messages with only the intent of telling me that I had some nerve thinking I'd find the guy I wanted when I was so fat AND a smoker (which I was at the time, which is REALLY unpopular here). One person said, "You'd do better hanging around a truck stop."
No, I'm not kidding. And people wonder why I immersed myself in the gay community and haven't come out for ten years! My boyz don't ever treat me like that. To them I am beautiful all the time, at any weight, with or without my makeup on or hair brushed. Ok, ok, I have a few special boyz who aren't afraid to take one look at me and go, "Girl...that is NOT the one." We all need at least ONE friend like that. Many of mine happen to be gay men.
So a decade later and I'm quite understandably terrified to wade into this pool. I've also spent the majority of the last decade wrestling my past while doggedly pursuing inner peace and joy (I'm thinking this must be all the "Gemini in my chart" that Cocktail Maker Sister talks about - I'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappynoI'mnotI'mhappyshutupfortheloveofGod)...and the infamously unstable career in music. So I haven't felt like I should exactly be inviting anyone to dive into my kettle of Hot Mess Soup.
But...things in my life have to change. I cannot spend the next half of my life as miserable as I spent most of the first half. And if getting out into the dating world (*shudder*) is the only way to shake things up, then so be it. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready for adventures, ready to force myself to do things that terrify me, ready to travel and see new places and learn new things and discover everything I can about what people think and feel and why they think and feel it. I'm almost feeling nomadic...like I want to pack up what little I have, stuff it in the car and just DRIVE...wherever I end up I end up. Wash dishes or wait tables at some little diner for awhile, move on when I get bored or have learned what I need to learn. Just be a gypsy and turn into a wise old sage with a silver braid down her back. Sounds so dreamy...
*Cue record scratch here* Okay, that's not realistic, of course. I have responsibilities. And bills. But I guess I could always change my name...again...
*Record scratch number two*...wow did I digress...back to...
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???!!!
I am a little concerned that if there are men listing themselves on a BBW dating site who are embarrassed about having a thing for juicy girls, then that could lead to more brutal treatment. Or, as I've noticed in my browsing, about half the men list that they are looking for a girl who's "curvy/a few extra pounds"...but skipped checking off the "zaftig", "heavy", "plus size" or "super size" options. Gentlemen, you can find a "curvy" woman (read: Pam Anderson types) on Eharmony and Match. Leave the BBW sites for guys who really like their ladies big and soft, let us have a safe place to test the waters. If I can't feel confident on a dating site that's supposedly designed specifically for big, beautiful women, where can I ever?
That said...as I mentioned previously I'm in a place in my life where I'm forcing myself to face my fears. So I suppose nothing will propel me forward in my life if I continue to hide away and do the easy thing, regardless of what...ummm...interesting characters...may populate the process. At least not if I want someone to take me to see "Super 8" before it leaves theaters, anyway. And there's always the chance - which I'm actually counting on and putting my intention toward - meeting some really nice guys who just want to meet a really nice girl with plenty o' junk in her trunk.
(Note: I don't want people thinking that I'm miserable being without a man. This is not at all the case. I LOVE being alone, answering to no one but me, having my private space, doing what I please when I please and always having my toilet seat down. I have a lot of love in my life from family and friends. I am alone, but never lonely. Please know and appreciate that there is a major difference. I am enough, I complete me. End of list.)
So off I go...hoping for kinder, gentler results this time around. Hoping to hang out with some interesting men who might teach me something new or convince me to try something I never considered before. Like cooking, perhaps (get your minds out of the gutter...one step at a time, freakazoids). Putting out there my desire to live fully, laugh a lot and learn every step of the way. That's the aim. And whatever will be, will be.
ONE...TWO...THREE...........JUMP!!!!
~The Singer
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
COMING SOON!!!
This is a brand new blog! Thanks for stopping by, our first official blog will be posted soon!
In the meantime, please follow us here (→) if you have your own blog and on Twitter (@3SistersDating), and you'll be first in the know! ♥
In the meantime, please follow us here (→) if you have your own blog and on Twitter (@3SistersDating), and you'll be first in the know! ♥
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